Twixt Night and Morn
by anotherweasley
Summary: Jack McCoy gets some closure in an unexpected way


`Twixt Night and Morn  
By: Olivia  
  
Part I-"Twilight and evening bell,/And after that the dark!/And may there be no sadness of  
farewell,/When I embark."-Alfred Tennyson-"Crossing the Bar"  
  
Jack McCoy was surprised. And for Jack McCoy to be surprised, that was saying a whole  
helluva a lot.  
  
Jack had never seen this coming. What's more, he felt that he should have. Even though he  
wasn't a cop like his Father, he did prosecute people whom he felt were criminals. And in his  
long career as Executive Assistant District Attorney, he had certainly pissed off more than his  
fair share of people in this world. From their perspectives, he had ruined their lives and was  
probably in fact the anti-Christ in a suit. From his perspective, he had just been the one to hold  
them responsible for their actions-actions which hurt people.  
  
And so it should have been no surprise that here he was lying on the steps to the Courthouse  
bleeding to death. And yet somehow it was.  
  
He could hear his Assistant DA Abbie Carmichael shouting his name, although it sounded very  
far away to him. She was telling him to hold on and that he was going to be okay. She usually  
was very good at lying. His body vaguely felt Abbie's hand clamping down on his wound,  
trying to stop the blood. One part of Jack's brain hoped she hadn't paid a lot for the suit she was  
wearing. He didn't think she would bother trying to get it dry cleaned after this.  
  
He could hear a man's voice. It sounded like Detective Lennie Briscoe was calling 9-1-1 and for  
police backup. Maybe Lennie should say something like, "Counselor down" or something. Jack  
wished he could laugh at his own joke and then suddenly found it unamusing.  
  
Detective Ed Green was wrestling with someone on the pavement. Jack hoped the shooter didn't  
get away or shoot anyone else.  
  
Jack never realized how painful being shot was. It was unbearable. Lord, take me now, he  
thought and instantly took it back.  
  
Everything was becoming hazy. McCoy closed his eyes. He was exhausted. His last thought  
was how surprised he was.  
  
Jack McCoy was surprised. And he hated surprises.  
  
Part II-"The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall  
say where the one ends, and where the other begins?"-Edgar Allen Poe-"The Premature Burial"  
  
McCoy felt himself slowly regaining consciousness. If he could just get his eyes to open. But  
part of him didn't want to open his eyes. He was afraid, which wasn't easy to admit even to  
himself, to find out how much damage the bullet had done.  
  
He was next aware of himself sitting upright. Shouldn't he be lying down on a hospital bed? He  
was in a chair that felt very much like the one he used in his office.  
  
"You can open your eyes now, Jack," said a teasing female voice.  
  
That voice! It sounded almost like..., but it could not possibly be her! Jack's eyes flew open.   
He literally could not believe his eyes.  
  
"Claire?" Jack asked fearfully.  
  
This couldn't be true. Claire had been killed years ago by that drunk driver. And yet there she  
was sitting across from his desk like she had never been gone a day.  
  
Jack quickly looked around the room. He was in his office sitting with his Assistant DA Claire  
Kincaid. She just sat there in her business suit, her dark hair pulled back in a pony tail, smiling  
at him. Just like old times.  
  
Claire looked as beautiful as the last time he had seen her alive. And his heart started breaking  
inside. And all his old feelings came rushing back. How he had missed her! But this wasn't  
real. It couldn't be.  
  
Jack's brain was slowly processing the fact that this was not reality. His ADA was Abbie  
Carmichael and their new boss was Nora Lewin. And Lennie had a new partner, Ed Green. This  
could only mean one thing.  
  
"Am I dead, Claire?"  
  
Jack's brain wasn't processing things quickly enough for him. He couldn't tell if he was upset or  
okay about himself dying. At least he wasn't in pain anymore.  
  
Claire shook her head still smiling at him. "No, Jack. You're not dead. Let's just say you are  
still alive, but your body is having trouble keeping itself in that state."  
  
"Am I going to die?"  
  
Claire shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not really sure."  
  
"So we might not have a lot of time here together or we could have eternity. Assuming that you  
and I are really here and I'm not just having some sort of inner monologue with myself."  
  
Claire laughed pleasantly. "I can tell you that you are not having an inner monologue with  
yourself. And you make it sound like being here with me for eternity is such a bad thing."   
  
Claire continued. "But no, I can't imagine spending eternity stuck in this office either. Think of  
this as a sort of intermediary place between life and death. Your brain has created these  
surroundings for you. It is familiar and comforting to you. You have to admit, Jack, your life is  
your work. You spend more time here than you do at your apartment."  
  
Jack smiled wryly in agreement. "Yes, I will admit to that."  
  
Claire stood up and stretched. She made her way to the window and looked out. "Don't worry,  
Jack. You have the best physicians in New York City working to save your life. Your Assistant  
Miz Carmichael is praying for you. Detective Ed Green caught the person who shot you. Plenty  
of evidence and lots of eye witnesses. And even Lennie is pulling for you. And you know how  
much that means. Despite your sometimes adversarial relationship, he doesn't want you to die.   
To him it'd be sorta like losing a partner."  
  
Jack stood up and walked over to Claire's side. He put a hand on her shoulder and waited until  
she turned to look at him.  
  
"Claire, I...um...," Jack was at a loss for words.  
  
Claire just shook her head. "Jack you've got to stop blaming yourself. There was nothing you  
could have done."  
  
But the floodgates had been opened and all the feelings he had buried for so long came rushing  
back. Jack was angry at himself.  
  
"Nothing I could have done? If I hadn't have talked you into staying when you wanted to quit.   
If I hadn't given you the day off and if I hadn't kept calling you to come down to the bar you  
would never have been driving home from the bar when that drunk hit you. If only I had stayed  
a few minutes longer."  
  
Claire put a hand on his arm. "Jack it was neither you nor Lennie's fault. I don't blame you or  
Lennie. I wish I could take away the guilt you two carry inside for me. "  
  
Jack turned away from Claire and she let her arm fall limp.  
  
Jack whispered, "That's not all I carry inside for you."  
  
Claire brushed it off by saying teasingly, "Yes, I've noticed that you are already onto your sixth  
female ADA."  
  
Jack spun back around. Was she mocking him? Was she not taking him seriously? He was  
trying to say all the things he had left unsaid.  
  
"I was never involved with either Jamie or Abbie," Jack said evenly.  
  
"I know. I'm sorry, Jack. I know you were never involved with either of them. Part of me is  
happy about that fact. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. The other, better part of myself, wishes  
that you'd find someone who you love and who would love you as much as I do."  
  
Jack was floored. He had absolutely no idea what to say.  
  
Claire smiled at him some what sadly. "I know it's something we really didn't discuss or say out  
loud, but I guess while we were trying to hide our relationship from others, our feelings sort of  
got buried too. And there was always work, always a new case, something to be done, but I have  
always deeply cared for you, even if I could never say it."  
  
Claire turned and looked back out the window. "Somehow it's easier to talk about it here. All  
those worldly concerns seem to lose focus. Here I can't dissuade myself that I feel less for you  
that I do."  
  
Jack came up behind Claire and put his arms around her waist. He rested his head on her  
shoulders.  
  
Jack spoke quietly. "I was so worried. I saw myself doing what I always did-getting involved  
with the women I worked with and then things ending badly. Things were just going poorly that  
last month. And I was certain you were going to leave and that would be the end. I was worried  
that I had been deluding myself about your feelings for me."  
  
Claire put her hands over Jack's on her waist. She turned her head slightly to face him. "I was  
having a internal crisis. I was thinking about leaving the job-not you. And I'm so sorry I left  
you thinking that."  
  
Jack glanced up and realized that there was nothing outside the window, only a bright whiteness  
every where. There was no New York skyline. And why should there be? He wasn't really in  
his office.  
  
And then he noticed that the whiteness was spreading. And that Claire was slowly disappearing  
before his eyes. Jack tried to hold Claire tighter, but it was no use.  
  
"Claire. I love you. I don't want to leave. Don't leave me. There's nothing for me back there,"  
he pleaded with her.  
  
Claire turned around to face him smiling sadly. She stepped up and lightly kissed him on the  
lips.  
  
"I'm sorry that it's not to be right now. There still must be work for you to do. There are still  
cases for you to prosecute-wrongs that must be made right. And I wish more that anything that  
we could be together and I could be with you, by your side, helping you. But we will be together  
again someday. I'll be waiting for you, Jack."  
  
Claire whispered in Jack's ear. And like that, she was gone.  
  
Part III-"But there's good news yet to hear/and fine things to be seen/Before we go to Paradise  
by way of/Kensal Green."-G.K. Chesterton-"The Rolling English Road" (*Note-Kensal Green is  
London's largest cemetery.)  
  
Jack blearily opened his eyes and groaned softly. He ached all over.  
  
"Hey there, Counselor. Glad to see yer back in the land of the living."  
  
Jack turned his head slightly to see Lennie sitting by his side grinning at him. Jack realized he  
was in a hospital.  
  
"I know you were probably hoping for the lovely face of Ms. Carmichael to greet you, but she  
was spending too much time here worrying about you. It wasn't healthy. I had Ed drive her  
home."  
  
"How am I doing?" Jack asked somewhat sadly. It hurt to talk.  
  
"The doctors say you'll be just fine. They were able to remove the bullet and stitch you back  
together. And I know the part you'll be particularly pleased about is that we caught the guy who  
shot you, have the smoking gun, in this case literally, and plenty of eye witnesses who actually  
saw the whole thing. Doesn't get better than that for evidence does it? And he's pleading guilty  
anyway, so I guess it really doesn't matter. Not much of a challenge prosecuting, but I'm sure  
you can over look it at least this once."  
  
"Who was it?" asked Jack groggily.  
  
"Name of Graham. John Graham. Ring any bells. You sentenced his brother to life in jail for  
that murder a while back. It seems he couldn't forgive you for it. But he'll have plenty of time  
to reflect on that bad decision."  
  
Lennie could tell that the drugs Jack had been given were starting to kick back in. Jack was  
about to fall back asleep. He was going to pull through and that was all that mattered for Lennie.   
Lennie put a hand gently on his shoulder.  
  
"I'm going to go now and call Abbie and tell her the good news. I promised her I would call if  
there was any change. You go back to sleep and rest up while you can. You'll be needed back in  
that courtroom in no time."  
  
Jack closed his eyes. They were just so heavy. But before Lennie could leave, Jack called out  
his name. Lennie came back over.   
  
"Yeah, Jack?"  
  
"Claire wanted me to tell you...to tell you not to blame yourself. And that you were like a Father  
to her."  
  
Jack passed back out into sleep.  
  
Lennie looked down at his hands. They were shaking. Was it the drugs talking? He hoped not,  
and yet at the same time he felt uneasy about the implications of such a wish.   
  
Lennie picked up his coat and draped it over his arm. He took one last somber look at Jack and  
then walked out the door to find a pay phone to call Abbie.  
  
  



End file.
